Learn to be Lonely
by Auphanim
Summary: Angstydrabble about Gaara. A little bit of LeeGaara near the end, but no real couples.


**Another** drabble type thing. What can I say, I get bored in class.

**Gaara-centric**, of course, because everyone loves some angsty Gaara.

**I don't own** Naruto or the song 'Learn to be Lonely'.

**And that's** really all I have to say. AGIA.

* * *

**Learn to be Lonely**

_Child of the wilderness  
__Born into emptiness  
__Learn to be lonely  
__Learn to find your way in darkness_

Gaara had learned from a young age that he was alone in life.

Rejected by his city, his people, even his family.

It wasn't his fault that he had killed his mother, really.

No one told him there was a demon inside him. All voices became hushed whenever he neared.

It wasn't until Yashamaru was dying that he learned the full extent of his exclusion from the rest of the world.

Through the first few years of his life, 'Uncle Yasha' had been there. Always, he would whisper to the boy. Whispered lies so far from the truth that they became believable after saying them a few dozen times.

"I love you… I care for you… I forgive you"

But then, Yashamaru had attacked him; betrayed him. Gaara, of course, came out unharmed. As always, when something attempted to hurt him.

His dearest uncle was killed. Another family member dead by his hand.

As crimson dribbled down the feminine chin of his uncle, Gaara was told everything.

A demon inside him, a mother that had hated him, a father that wanted his dead…

It then struck the boy that no one would ever love him.

Shukaku's laughter rang in his mind.

_Who will be there for you  
Comfort and care for you  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn to be your one companion_

That revelation had come to him when he was only four, and nine years to brood over it had done nothing to change his opinion of life.

The kanji of love carved into his kin would always remind him of the past, and of the mistakes of trusting another person too deeply.

Would remind him of his fate, and his promise to love only himself.

It wasn't really a shock to anyone that he had no friends.

Gaara killed for the sensation if gave him. As if his life had meaning for the first time. It made him feel wanted and important, like he was finally doing something right. Like he was actually there, and people could see him.

His days were a swirl of blood and gore, each day marked only be the number of men that he managed to kill.

The more, the merrier, after all.

As usual, though, everything he knew had to be flipped upside down at one point.

Naruto came into his life.

For the first time, he was injured in a fight. For the first time, he lost.

It affected him. Just a tiny bit, but a bit nonetheless. That in itself was amazing. Amazing how losing could open up his eyes just a tiny fraction to see the other people that lived life with him.

_Never dreamed out in the world  
There are arms to hold you  
You've always known  
Your heart was on its own_

Then he fought Kimimaro. Another earth-shattering battle.

He won, but something again had changed.

Gaara had met another person like him. A person who was completely alone in the world. But that person had someone that he cared deeply for. And, during the fight, he found that he did as well.

He cared about someone. Wanted to protect someone.

Sabaku no Gaara had feelings for Rock Lee.

And the scariest part of if all was that Lee could return those feelings, and had even hinted that he returned those feelings.

This was foreign, unexplained territory. Horrifying. His heart raced whenever he merely looked at the strong boy.

Gaara, being himself, had been content to let the feelings lie in his chest, dormant until they were finally killed by lack of attention.

But Lee just couldn't seem to be able to do that. Oh no. He had to approach the red head, and try to convince him that life with another person could be worth living.

They'd run into each other in a hallway. Both had stopped, and a few words were exchanged. Somehow, Gaara wasn't exactly sure how, Lee had pulled him into a hug.

"I care for you, Gaara," he had whispered. "Give me a chance…"

For a few heart-stopping moments, he had been torn, unable to give an answer. On one side, it seemed so wonderful; to be with someone. But on the other side, trust was a terrible thing…

It could be so dark and twisted, and cause so much pain.

So would he take the plunge, and hope Lee held onto his hand as he jumped, or stay safe on dry land, with his feet firmly planted on the ground?

_So laugh in your loneliness  
Child of the wilderness  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn how to love life that is lived alone_

It took only a few moments for him to reach his decision. He wasn't entirely sure with what he was about to do, but he steeled himself, and tried to promise himself that there would be no regrets. No pain after this.

Tentatively, he returned the embrace, molding against the other boy for just a split second.

Then he pushed away, turning around so that his back was facing the fighter he had just hugged.

The sand nin began to walk away, but stopped after a few steps to turn his head and look at Lee.

"I don't need anyone. I love only myself, remember?"

And he left. Left Lee heartbroken and confused, standing in the remnants of his feelings for the small, red-headed boy.

Shukaku's laughter rang in Gaara's mind as he walked away.

_Learn to be lonely  
Life can be lived  
Life can be loved  
Alone._

* * *

_r e v i e w_


End file.
